My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
