i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
