Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
