Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
