Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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