So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
