Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
