You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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