I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
