Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
