best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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