the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
