everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
time to smoke my breakfast
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
