I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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