if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
