you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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