Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
