Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
