grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
