i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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