I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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