I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
