I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
