he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
