You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
