I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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