You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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