I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
