jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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