i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
