So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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