i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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