I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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