bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
