the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
