I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
