Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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