Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
