I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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