THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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