READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
