Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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