Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
