Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
