She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
