dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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