Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
