you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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