Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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