Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
