i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
