i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
