Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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