There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
