So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
